Rule 1 - Never leave a travel book behind on the basis that "you are not going there today", a la I am off to Amalfi by boat so I do not need my Capri guide book and maps. It was a two hour wait for Amalfi so I caught the Capri boat, which left in five minutes, instead.
Rule 2 - Take the funicolare from Capri harbour to Capri town. Despite me being here to do a great deal of walking always remember that the walk from the harbour to the town centre is only slightly easier than tackling the north face of the Eiger without any climbing gear. What is really breath taking is that the Italians do this with a cigarette in their mouth the whole way up.
Rule 3 - Never leave behind your GPS device on the basis you are going to be sitting in Amalfi town all day (see Rule 1).
Rule 4 - Try not to eat or drink in/on Capri unless it is from the free water taps that are positioned on the climb up into town for those Europeans daft enough to try the climb unaided. I have just got a bottle of sparkling water and an espresso for €8-, which was the cost of my main course last night in Sorrento (although that was cheap to be fair). The one consolation is that the coffee was wonderful.
Rule 5 - Well, not a rule as such more an observation. Capri town is like Piccadilly Circus on a sunny Saturday in summer. The noise of humanity is constant and sometimes quite deafening. I remember walking to Tiberius' Villa the last time I was here and the peace and quiet was sublime. I am playing "Alles mitt Gott", which helps a bit but does not completely blot it all out. Although the guy dying of consumption next to me may just find himself taking the quick route to the harbour if he does not can it.
Rule 6 - Pay attention to Rule 4! I have just had a couple of courses, glass of wine, bottle of water and a double of espresso for €54-, not bad but the food was only €26-.
Rule 7 - See Rule 1 and Rule 3. Having nearly died getting up to Capri town I nearly did not make it down to the harbour. Like some bizarre computer game every exit from the piazza I entered on my knees just a few hours earlier took me up not down. After 45 minutes of leaving by every exit and ending up back in the piazza again I admitted defeat and took the funicolare.
I am going to have to face up to the fact that I am now embarrassing enough to be a dad. Opened toed sandals and socks are next i fear.
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